Thankful.

Everyone always says they married their best friend. But for a girl who is pretty attached to her female best friends, that has been a concept that I wasn't able to truly wrap my mind around.

Until recently.

Ray is working 7-6 at Enterprise and then coaches for Morthland every evening. That usually places him home about 9:30-10:00 every night.

At first I had expected it to be like our life last year. He was gone a lot for basketball, and with our work, school, and extracurricular schedules, we learned to relish in the few moments we did have together intermittently throughout the week. However since we've gotten married, I feel that each passing week causes me to miss him more.

We celebrated our one year anniversary of being together this past Monday, but like usual, we weren't able to spend anytime together. I was already asleep when he got in from work.

Trying to not be sulky about it, I started thinking over the past few weeks. Ray has has an unusual amount of days off because of his doctor appointments and surgery. Every day he had off meant we got to spend the day together at the doctor's office. Would I have rather simply spent the day with him out and about or even at home together? ...Yes. But it didn't matter. I was with him.

This past Sunday was a defining moment for the concept of marrying your best friend. We were coming home from my mom's house, and I started to open up to him about the way I have been feeling about our life, schedules, and the trials we have faced over the past year. The conversation covered a wide range of topics, but at one point I was a blubbering girl of emotion. He simply reached his hand over and rubbed my neck.

It was a gesture that literally swept me. He didn't have to say anything. He didn't have to do anything. He just let me know that he was there.

The love of my life

It is that feeling that made it click for me that he really has become my best friend. After all, simply being there is what made my best friends, my best friends. This is not to discredit their countless hours of advice, encouragement, love, support, generosity, and laughs over the course of our friendship, but it's those moments of them just being there that have truly meant the world.

And for that I am so thankful.

Locker neighbor to FINALLY my bestie beyond distance, Keri 

My best friend since birth, my sister Sarah.

Who knew a conversation about cool whip
would lead me to this girl?  

StuCo truly changed my life by blessing me with this girl.

High school. SIU. She's been there for it all.

Update from the Lewis Family!

The past few months have been absolutely crazy. 

There have been several times that I wanted to post something but never had the time. Details about our wedding. Life as newlyweds. Transforming our apartment little by little into our "home" instead of a place we stay. And other random events. But life has just been too much.

In the past two months:
We got married. 
I started back to school along with working about three days a week and teaching two days a week. 
I met my step-brother and step-sister for the first time and, in turn, have gained an entirely new family.
Ray and I have been adjusting to raising a teenage boy. (Which could be a million blog posts on its own.)
Our car died.
We purchased a new car.
Ray started coaching women's basketball at a college. 
We have been trying to settle into a church. 
I found out my cat has to be put down soon.
Ray has had crazy medical stuff going on with his kidneys, including two minor surgeries.
I've lost touch with close friends and am not sure where to begin to repair those relationships.
We have been traveling almost every weekend for the past month to various family functions.
And, in the daily chaos of trying to work, go to school, teach, help Lelan adjust to living with us, taking care of a husband, paying bills, I am trying to keep our home running smoothly.

It has been so crazy that my professor actually told me I had too much "life" happening.
I couldn't agree more...


I originally typed the rest of this blog yesterday and talked about how envious I was of the people who have a moment to enjoy life. And how I wished I could just spend time being instead of running like a crazy person. But then last night happened...

I got off work. Ran home to check the italian beef I made for Lelan and Ray, grabbed a sandwich, and took off to go chaperone the fall dance at the school where I am observing. I had no idea what to expect, but I was excited to see my kids outside of the classroom.

Little did I know just how great the experience was going to be.

At one point they did a dance where all of the girls threw one shoe to the center of the floor. In order to find a partner for the slow dance, the boys had to pick up a shoe and find the girl to whom it belonged. Some of the boys grabbed the closest shoe, while other boys grabbed their "girlfriend's" shoe. But my heart absolutely melted at one of the students we have with special needs. He ran to the floor, grabbed a shoe, and took it to one of the girls in his class. When she said no, he threw the shoe, ran back and grabbed another one, again, taking it to the same girl. He repeated the process multiple times until she went and pointed out her shoe for him.

If you ever wonder if there is good in the world, I believe that moment exemplified it. The excitement that was on his face, the smiles from the students around them, and the tears in his mother's eyes as she watched from the group of chaperones... It was priceless.

And, it made the rest of the evening completely worth the time out of my day. To see the giddiness of the girls and to watch the boys try to be cool reminded my why I am living through this crazy time. It was a moment that made all of the headaches and frustrations with school and the tiredness from having to work to pay for school seem insignificant compared to the end goal.

But most importantly, it was a moment when my to-do list took a break, and I got to actually enjoy life instead of watching it pass by through the lens of my overbooked planner.

Connecting Dreams and Reality

In 2009 I started keeping a journal of letters to my future husband. I didn't write in it often, but it was when I found myself thinking of him and wanting to tell him what was on my heart. My entries often contained how much I looked forward to meeting him, how much I loved him, and how often I prayed for him. And, as I continued to write to him, I found myself only continuing to grow more in love with my husband to be. 

Now, three years later, It is still amazing to me to think that the man whom I have been thinking about, praying for, preparing myself for, and loving actually exists. And that in ten days, he is going to be my husband. It's almost surreal to think that this arbitrary man to whom I've been writing is real. 

He has a name, an incredibly handsome face, a laugh that makes my smile, a personality that makes my  heart melt, and a love for me that often brings me to tears of joy. 

It is because this man is real and that I am marrying him in less than two weeks I'm that I shared my journal with him two nights ago. 

At first I stumbled over explaining what the journal was and was really hesitant about being so open. After all, I had written these letters having no idea who they would be read to. It didn't take me long to begin pouring out my heart to Ray. I realized as I was reading  just how perfect God's plan is because everything I had said fit Ray perfectly. It was as though I was looking at the finished puzzle of prayers I had been praying. 

It was incredible to say the least. To be reading to the man to whom I've so long written, that I've deeply desired to meet, and the man I have been so in love with for so long. 

There were pages of promises, sincere apologies for giving my heart away prior to him, and a display of the peace that I felt when I gave my heart and its future over to Jesus. 

There were also tears of joy, answered prayers, happiness, hope, forgiveness, peace, and of love. So many tears of love. 

It was honestly one of the most memorable moments I've shared with Ray. And it makes me that much more excited to vow those promises of love to him in front of our friends, family, and God in just a few short days. 

Praise God for His love and mercy to place the man of my prayers in my life and making my him better than I could have ever dreamed. 

A Galatians 5 Husband

There are so many things going on in my life right now that it is almost impossible to wrap my mind around everything. But in the midst of this storm that has suddenly turned into a tornado, I am choosing to focus on the positive. (More like forcing myself to do so.)

Ray. And the tremendous blessing he is in my life. I am so amazed that God has blessed me with him.

When we first started dating, I set down the ground rule that he was in charge of being the spiritual leader in our relationship. I knew Biblically what that should consist of, but I had no idea of what it was  going to look like. Which is why I am constantly awestruck at God's work in my soon-to-be husband.

Ray's church was going through a series on the fruit of the Spirit: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. It was a taught as sort of a self-check to see if there is evidence of God's work in you.

Ray is a man of all of these characteristics and more.

For those of you who don't know, we made the decision to have his youngest brother Lelan move down with us to attend Carbondale high school (Go Terriers!). And for some unknown reason, we have received tremendous, tremendous amounts of grief over it. But that's another story.

Positive. Stay positive.

What I have learned from the short time we have had Lelan with us is not only the how much of a Godly man my fiancé is, but also what a leader he is. I have been so blessed to watch him talk with Lelan, read the Bible with him, encourage him, support him, and guide him. Speaking from his 85 + years of wisdom (or so he thinks he has), Ray paints for Lelan a picture that is bigger than the south side of Chicago. And for me, I am blessed with a small snapshot of our life to come.

Ray is someone who continues to surprise me as more of his heart is revealed. His love for others, the joy he finds in all situations, the peace he clings to in the midst of trials, the abundance of patience he daily (more like hourly) shows to me, the kindness he exhibits to all those with whom he comes into contact, the goodness of his heart, his faithfulness not only to our family but to Christ as well, the gentleness he shows as he cares for me in my moments of true brokenness, and the self-control he has when situations do not go as planned.

Ray truly is a Galatians 5:22 man.

And in three weeks from today, he is going to be my husband.

Praise God from whom all blessings flow! (As Michael likes to say...) What a mighty and awesome God we serve who provides us the blessing of a rainbow as a promise that the storm will someday pass.

"Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever." Hebrews13:8

Going to the Chapel!

We're getting married! ... NEXT MONTH! August 25th to be exact!

I know that this is a big change from our June 15th, 2013 date, but we could not be more excited!

God has really been working on our hearts, and after prayer and heavy thinking about why we were waiting, we decided to change the date!

It was a decision that left me struggling at first. What about the wedding we had been planning? The church? The caterer? The reception hall? The DJ? Do we disregard those plans entirely? Originally, we thought, "Why don't we have a small ceremony now, with a big reception as our one year anniversary party?" The places were opened then, and we felt so blessed! If we were feeling called to get married now, we were following it. Even if that meant having a less-than-traditional big day, I mean big-days.

But then the girl in me kicked in. And the thinking about other people. I hated the idea of asking all of our loved ones to travel twice. Ray has 4 brothers and a sister. My mom is one of five. Ray's mom is one of eight. Then you throw in their spouses and our first cousins. Even if we tried to have a "small" wedding, it would still be a boo-coo of people. There was no way we could ask all of them to travel here for a wedding this year and then a reception on our one year anniversary. It would be waaaay to much of a hassle. So we decided that we might have to sacrifice our reception. Call our down payments on everything a loss, and just have a simple cake and punch reception.

But you know how God is the author and perfecter of all things awesome? Yeah. He did just that in our  lives this week. The DJ was able to shuffle his schedule, the caterer was open, and the reception hall just had a cancellation on that date this week. I literally cried in excitement. I cannot believe God is blessing us this much. We get to have the wedding we had been planning!

The funny thing about all of this is that when Ray and I were first picking out our date, I asked him if we could have a small wedding this year, and had actually mentioned August 25th. Him, knowing how crazy I am about planning, convinced me to go for something farther off. More time to plan, less of a rush, several sound reasons. But God has a way of changing your heart and making you see what's truly important.

Our wedding day is about us and starting our life together. It is about committing ourselves to each other in front of Jesus and those we love the most. It is about celebrating that we found "the one whom our soul loves" (Song of Solomon 3:4). It is about marrying the most incredible man on the entire planet who puts up with all of my "devilbook" using, my recent obsession with Twitter, my need to be organized in all areas of my life, and my everyday emotional roller coaster I drag him on. It is about becoming one family who is dedicated to serving Jesus and loving others. It is about rejoicing over our future.

It is about all of those things and so much more. About realizing that it's not about the day. Or the invitations. Or the groomswear. Or people approving of our menu choices. Because by-gum, I just don't care. I don't care what people think. Because if they don't like it, that's just too bad. This day isn't about them. It's about us and starting our life together.

That said, I'll be keeping you posted on how things progress this next month! It is going to be crazy, CRAZY busy, but we are absolutely thrilled.

Thank you to everyone who has gone above and beyond to help this come together. Without you helping us on our invitations, making our flowers, altering my dress, allowing your children to be our ring bearer and flower girl, frantically looking for dresses, and calling all over everywhere to help the details come together, this would not be possible. God has truly blessed us by placing you all in our lives. We love you from the bottom of our hearts and look forward to the day when we can serve you. 


Smile often,
-Soon(er)-to-be Mrs. Stephanie Lynn Lewis

It will never happen to me...

So we all hear about Internet safety. We get warned in school, by our parents, through the media. And we all think it will never happen to us. Or that those who become victims by the creepers on the web are somehow at fault for being so stupid as to publicly display their personal information. That's way we all think right? I mean, I'm guilty of it. "Well it's no wonder that girl got murdered, she met up with some guy on the internet. Doesn't she realize how many people get killed that way!"

I always thought like that. 

Until I suddenly became a victim. 

You know how you have those nightmares where someone is following you or trying to get to you? I had one the other night. It was so real that my thrashing to get away from the guy actually woke me up. There is nothing worse than a realistic dream like that. 

Until that realistic dream suddenly hits a chord of reality. 

Friday morning at 4:30 my phone rang with a number I didn't recognize. Having no idea who would be calling me in the middle of the night I answered my phone in a half asleep stupor. 

"Hello..."

"Stephanie?"

"Yeah. Who is this?"

"This is Mike."

"Mike who?"

"You don't know me?"

"No. Mike who?"

(laughs) "We talked..."

"No. We didn't. Who are you? How did you get my number?"

(laughs) "I found you on Facebook." 

In an instant I was wide awake, my heart was racing, and chills were flying through my body. Fear greater beyond comprehension gripped every fiber of my body. ...No. This only happens in movies.

Or so I liked to believe. 

The conversation progressed about how he found me, wanted to come meet me, and how he wanted sex from me. I mentioned having a fiancé hoping in my naivety that he would suddenly change his mind. That, however, seemed to only make him more aggressive. 

I felt like I couldn't talk. I felt paralyzed. Thank God, Ray happened to be staying at my house that evening. I handed the phone to him as the reality of what was happening took my breath away. 

The next few minutes seemed like hours as Ray tried to convince the guy to leave me alone, combating his threats with consequences of if he came near me. Ray snapped into action as he quickly hung up and dialed the Carbondale police station. Meanwhile, the creeper calls back without leaving a voicemail.

The next few hours flashed by like minutes. The officer arriving, asking us questions, and realizing that no, this is not phone harassment by some ex, or some guy, or someone I know like the police originally thought. Then the phone rings again. Placing the phone on speaker, I answer. 

"Hello."

"Stephanie."

"What do you want from me?"

"Sex."

At this point, the officer took the phone and informed him that this is no longer a game. Mike, on the other hand, didn't seem to care what the policeman has to say. He refused to give any information. The officer hung up. He then proceeded to tell me to have his number blocked, not to worry, etc. Then Mike called back.

The officer answered. 

Mike's response? "Excuse me. I didn't call to talk to you. Put Stephanie back on the phone." 

Me. Why me? What did I do? I made no effort to ever contact someone I didn't know online. I set my entire page to friends only. I have a picture of me and my fiancé as my display picture. I don't have revealing pictures. I don't have drunken pictures. I have nothing, nothing on my page eluding to the idea that I am someone who is ok with this. Why out of every person on the internet did this guy find and pick me? 

More discussion with the officer happened, and at 6:30 he left. It was over. It was done. I'd have his number blocked. It was over. The police were going to take care of it. 

Ray, furious and protective, took the day off and went to work with me at camp. We pulled in about 9:30 and boom. My phone rings again. This time, I am more determined than ever to figure out why me. I am sure he has no reason, but I just hoped that I could say something that would lead him to give me an answer. Instead, Mike became extremely aggressive and explicit. Which led me to hang up. 

Minutes later he called again. 

"Hanging up on me wasn't nice..."

"WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME! JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!"

"Stephanie. Don't you understand. I wandered the internet. I found you. This is how it happens. ....I'm just obsessed with you." 

Those words. "Obsessed with you." I still hear them. It's only been a day, but I still hear them. They still ring through my ears. They still twist their way down my spine. They still grip ever fiber of me with fear. What if he's serious? What if he isn't just a creeper who is far away, who found my number, and will stop calling me? What if he's more? What if he knows me? What if he found his way onto my page? What if he knows where I live? What if he knows where I work? Who knows what he could know about me? 

Obsessed with me. 

I instantly called the police station back, and got a terrific dispatcher who didn't seem to care about anything I was going through. Awesome. So thankful for the help. 

Mike called back 4 more times without leaving voicemail. 

Then, nothing. No more calls. Just to be safe, I had his number blocked that afternoon, but he didn't try for those few hours in between.

I went to the police station when I got back in town, and found out his phone was still turned on and was located near Chicago. Not the greatest news, because the police didn't know anything more than the town in which it was located, but at least he isn't in Carbondale. 

I know it's not over. I know I have a lot more to handle with the police. And I know he could still easily contact me again. (Which if he does, will hopefully give the police enough reason to actually do something about it...) But they seem to believe he's just a creeper. A prowler. Looking for a quick fix on some female prey, and once he has to put forth any more effort will move on. 

But what if he's not. 

I'm not telling this story to be dramatic about what happened to me this week. I'm telling it, because I never thought this would happen to me. Because I thought I was safe, and that this only happened to people who purposefully put themselves out there for this to happen. This guy could very well be what the police described. He could just move on, calling female after female. But he could not be just that. He could be more. He could be following me. He could be stalking me. He could be that guy you see on TV who becomes obsessed and does come after me. 

It is that possibility, and that conclusion which brings me to my point. I thought I was safe. I had my page set to friends only. My page. My pictures, my school, my work, my details, all private. ...Except my phone number. 

I have my number on there so people from camp and school can get a hold of me. I often end up calling someone from class over some project, and I got their number on Facebook. Having my number on there wasn't my problem. Instead, it was my ignorance of Facebook's privacy policy that was the issue. 

On your page, you have several privacy settings. Just because your default setting is friends only, doesn't mean your contact information is. Instead, you have to manually set your phone number and email to friends only instead of public. This is a change from what it used to be, and it was a change of which I had no idea. 

So please, for your sake, just take two minutes and check your settings. Make sure you don't make the same mistake I did. Because, believe me, things like this don't just happen on TV. 

-Stephanie Lynn 

Engaging in Engagement

Remember that meeting with our married friends I mentioned before? Where they filled us up with tons of good advice? In fact, we keep rethinking about all the things they said. But the one thing that keeps ringing through our period of engagement is the tip we were given about the difficulty that we would be facing. For them, their hardest two years as a couple were the year they got engaged and the year they got married. I truly believe this is ringing through in Ray and I.

All of the things Ray and I have went through since getting engaged has me wondering how people are able to enter into marriage so flippantly. We have done nothing except constantly dig deeper into each other, and let me tell you, this is not always fun. Instead, it reveals several hard pains that are embedded deep within us. And, it brings to light the scars held by us that must be tenderly cared to by the other person. It's a lot of work.

That whole glorified Hollywood, We TV, TLC version of love? They have pulled the wool over this girl's eyes for sure. Being engaged has been a hell of a wake up call.

For me, the hardest thing has been the realization that Ray is here. And he has no intention of going anywhere. As a hardheaded, quick to anger, quick to speak girl, I can't tell you how many times I think he is going to leave. I figure he is eventually going to find enough faults that it is inevitable. But instead, he continues to be my rock, and he continues to love me. Faults and all. ...And I am so incredibly in love with him for that and so much more.

I could go so much deeper into that, but instead I think I'll just keep trucking. The next thing that I struggle with is being a domestic woman. It was as if his sliding a ring onto my finger transported me back to 1950. I fret over trying to make sure he has clean clothes, and he eats, and the house is clean. I try to balance our schedule, plan out our days and weeks, and keep our hectic lives straight. ...Let's say, trying often results in failing. I am just not a domestic diva. I am not. I have an empty fridge because I just don't have time to cook, so instead I grab a can of food from the pantry and go. I have a pile of laundry that still needs to be put away. And his house... I decided rather than cleaning it, I am just going to wait until he moves. It will be easier to just do upkeep when he gets to his new place. (Plus I am afraid of catching something from his and his brother's bathroom. Yuck!) How do women do this?

I feel like being engaged not only leaves Ray and I facing the deep issues in our relationship and the daily business, but it leaves me thanking Jesus constantly for His mercy and grace. It's as though every time Ray loves me when I fail I am reminded how Jesus loves me when I make a mistake. Every time I find myself being selfish in our relationship, I think about how selfish I often am in my relationship with Christ. The parallel between marriage and a relationship with Jesus really is spot on. And I am so thankful for this opportunity of an engagement to be growing not only closer to my fiancé, but for the two of us to be growing closer to Jesus.