Saturday, July 26, 2014

Lessons From My First Week

Two nights ago while my mom and husband slept, I held my sweet little boy in my arms. I was once again so consumed with love and adoration that tears began streaming down my face. I can't believe that a week ago, I was living without him. 

In this past week my entire world has changed. I've experienced a level of love and joy that I never knew existed, and my heart has been filled in places I never knew we're empty. 

As I am writing this, I cannot believe it has already been a week. Although my body is tired and weak, my spirit has never been higher. I now have a new reason to live, and with that new reason has came a change on my entire perspective of life. 

A week ago, to-do lists ran my life. Up until the day my water broke, all I could think about was everything that needed to be done. Cleaning house, preparing for a new school year, preparing for a new baby. I hardly ever stopped to rest, let alone enjoy my days. Oh what I must have missed. 

As I hold my sweet boy, I stare at him. Trying to soak up every ounce of him that I can. I try to memorize his little features, and I feast on his essence. I've set my phone down more than I ever did before, because responding to a tweet might mean I miss one of my baby's eye flutters when he is falling asleep. I've learned that life is not made of how much I can get done in a day. And in just seven short days, I've learned what true priorities are. 

They are snuggling my sweet baby close, smelling his soft hair, kissing his tiny fingers, rubbing his smooth back as I rock him after he's eaten. They are watching in wonder as my mom sings him to sleep or my husband sways with him, looking down at his son with more pride and joy than I've ever seen in a man. It is ignoring that pile of laundry, that sink full of dishes, and collection of dust on my dresser to just savor the moments that God has given me to treasure this little growing boy, who won't be this little for long. 

I still can't believe he is a week old. My heart already aches as I miss the first moment I saw him, the first time I heard his cry, the first moment I held him in my arms. Those moments, those precious, sweet moments have already come and gone. That doesn't mean that there aren't a lifetime of moments to come, but they are just moments I can't get back. Sand in the hourglass I couldn't collect. 

I have no idea why a God chose to bless us the way He has. Why He gave us this child we prayed for. But I am so thankful He has. I just pray that as we raise LJ, God continues to teach us lessons through him. I now not only understand the preciousness of time, but I also have a glimpse of the adoration that the Father has when He looks at us. LJ has already been a vessel used by God to transform my heart in so many ways, and I have no doubt that he will continue to be used in that way. 

A child is a precious gift. One that I never fully understood until a week ago. But what I know for sure is that my heart has been changed in a way that I never could have imagined because of the treasure that has been given to us.