Tuesday, September 16, 2014

It's Either Your Baby or Jesus.

I always knew becoming a mother was going to be difficult. Sleepless nights, emotions running wild, the constant caring for someone else. But I never would have imagined that the most difficult part was going to be the feeling I get from my church family.

Being a mother is hard.

There are no words to describe the level of difficulty.

But it seems as if the church doesn’t acknowledge it.

Instead, they toss you to the side until your young one is old enough, or until you can suck it up enough, to put them into daycare.

It’s like no one stops to think that maybe that new mama needs the love of her church family.

Instead, they see this new Mama and call her a disruption. And they give her the choice- spend time with your baby or be in the presence of Jesus.

You can be in church service- if your baby is completely quiet.

You can be at bible study- if you give your baby to someone else, even though you have been working all day and haven’t even had but a few moments to hold him.

You can serve the church- if you don’t need to stop and feed him or change him.

You can feed him- but only if you remember to be modest and cover your breasts. Heaven forbid you cause men to stumble. After all, YOU are the immodest one who is responsible for causing a man to sin. The man who is staring at your crying baby and sees you reaching up to pull out your breast to feed is the innocent one. For heaven’s sake cover yourself.

Why don’t you just go outside?

Why don’t you go sit by yourself in the cry room? You can fellowship in the foyer between services. And just ask someone after church if you can have some leftover communion.

Your lateness is a disruption. You should really be here earlier.

Your outfit is too low cut. It doesn’t matter if you have to have your breasts accessible for breastfeeding. It’s immodest.

How will anyone focus on the Lord if you have your baby?

We want people to be able to relax, not be distracted by a baby.

Just bring a pump and go relieve yourself in the bathroom.

After eight weeks of being a nursing mama to a baby, I have to say I am so glad Jesus isn’t like the church.

I am so thankful that He is with me as I sit outside every choir practice, listening to the songs from the couch down the hall, singing quietly to my boy as I feed him.

I love that He has no time schedule as I arrive places late because I had to try to adjust my baby’s schedule to I could be present for at least part of a service.

I adore that He has shown me the favor in allowing my body to be the one source of nourishment for my son. And that He is with me even when I go through the effort to make it to church, just to sit in a room by myself and watch the service on a TV screen in the back of a room facing the wall just listening.

I am so glad Jesus doesn’t make me feel like a bother. But instead gives me the peace I beg for as I am awakened again in the middle of the night.

I am in adoration at the endless love of my Heavenly Father who has wiped away my tears and held my heart in his hands as I have missed yet another opportunity to fellowship with a body of believers because I have a precious gift to care for.

But I am brokenhearted over the church. That everyone else’s comfort is taken into consideration at the expense of new mamas. That it would care more about not having a disruption than allowing a new mama to feed off the love of those in her church family. That it makes new moms have to choose between being in the presence of the Lord with her fellow believers or being in solitude.

Most of all I am disappointed that it doesn't stop to consider the eternal implications that could be had. That if a new mom who would rather go through the effort to bring her baby to the house of the Lord is better for her soul than telling her to stay at home. 

But I guess that’s why motherhood is difficult.